Ego Trips…(down long, lonely desert highways…in reverse)

I experienced an insight of sorts this week that I wanted to share; an insight on the heals of some pretty gnarly embarrassments (these are the BEST kind!).

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So, briefly, I have this episode of the “Simpsons” in my mind right now. Chief Wiggum is holding a ‘citizen’s police academy’ I believe. Some nut screams in frustration, “But when do we get our freakin’ GUNS!?!?” and Chief Wiggum responds, “Later this afternoon…first we have to break you down, then build you up, then break you down again…and if we have time, build you back up…”

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(Here’s a link for all you nerds out there: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Springfield_Connection )

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So, we’ve all heard these ubiquitous references in pop culture to militaristic training regimes involving the ‘breaking down’ of a recruit’s ego and the subsequent ‘re-building’ of said ego. I usually took these references with a grain of salt…as in “What the heck does that really MEAN?!?”

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I think I have a hunch…(but first, a picture or two or three):

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Mid-action shots with weird, mid-action faces…it wouldn’t be an HONEST blog without them.

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Chris is our token “I wouldn’t wanna be up against HIM” classmate.

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Mike with a battle wound. I asked him to look scary, by the way. He’s really a kitten in person.

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Ok, so back to it. Egos.

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A couple of weeks ago, just when I thought I had this groove DOWN, I lost my ID badge. Not a big deal, right? Well, considering it was also an access card to the county JAIL, and considering that I thought there was a possibility that I had lost it on the premises of this JAIL, where inmates could possibly find it and USE it …

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Embarrassment.

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And then this week. We began firearms training. Major fun, by the way. But at some point I get to thinking, again, that I had the groove down and at some point I get called up in front of 60+ people to battle another classmate (Lance!) in a malfunction clearing competition*, and at some point during this 2 second BATTLE ROYALE my mind goes completely blank and for at least 5 seconds I just stand there like a dumbfounded idiot and…

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Embarrassment.

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The whole point is that you can’t approach this with an ego. It WILL be squashed, like a bug; by circumstance, and certainly by the academy coordinators, who are known to wear some pretty gruesome, heavy, (polished, of course) bug-squashing boots. The whole ‘breaking down’ of the ego thing…it’s to teach honesty, to teach humility, to teach objectivity. I have this sneaking suspicion in the back of my mind that a humble, objective deputy/officer who can enter into a chaotic, possibly life threatening situation without EGO, without SELF-consciousness, would be a pretty effective deputy indeed…

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No ego, no problem. And consequently (as an attractive thought for me right now); no ego, no embarrassment?

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(Malfunction clearing = drills/techniques to clear a weapon of jammed rounds which would prevent the weapon from firing, i.e. bad thing in a fire fight. We 'competed' for time in this case.)